Five on Friday: These Kids Make Me Laugh

Shenanigans and giggles this past week:

1. Me:  Woah! All I did was shout, "big fat groundhog!!"  and he actually ran away!
16-year-old E: Yeah, Mom, you body shamed him.

2. 12-year-old baby hog: When the baby comes next week can we go to the mall?
48-year-old baby hog Me: Why would you want to go to the mall with a baby?? Unless of course you girls wanted to go to the mall and leave the baby . . . 
Her: THE BABY COMES.

3.  Me: Hey I saw Mr. N and he said the basketball coaches can't wait for you to get to the High School in the fall.

14-year-old rising freshman basketball player who is very talented but who also talks a lot of smack: (whispering and looking wistfully off into space) Varsity . . . 

4. Baby hog, AGAIN: Aw, Mom, it's too bad you work Tuesdays so you have one less day visiting with the baby.
Me: I took Tuesday off!
Her: DOH. 

5. Scene: A quiet weeknight evening at home on the night before the youngest two kids' last day of school. Mom has plans to go out to dinner with her own mother and sisters. She departs the house at approximately 5:30 pm, leaving three practically self-sufficient kids and their highly capable and involved father at home.

Three hours later:

Me: (Nothing)

14-year-old who is, as far as I know, home:

Clueless? Hysterical? Both? You decide.