In what I think may be the first time in my career as
a mother, I was really looking forward to my kids going back to school.
Like, really
looking forward to it. Not enough to jump for joy once I got them on the bus,
but just ready for a break. I’ve always prided myself on being a mom that likes being with her kids and thoroughly
enjoys the lazy days of summer with them so it’s a big deal for me to
admit that I was ready for them to go back.
Of course when I got the four big kids on the bus I
was still left home alone with my most challenging child since preschool starts
later than elementary school. This is the kid that finds new and exciting ways
of embracing danger. She’s the kid whose spirit I’m sometimes I’m afraid I’m
breaking before I wonder if she’s actually breaking mine.
Seriously, this kid. She is like a cartoon stereotype
of a mischievous child, the Dennis the Menace for the 21st
century. I won’t get into her entire
history of naughtiness now (I’ll save that for a future blog entry) but I’ll
just let you know that her current favorite activity is sneaking handfuls of
cat food to eat while her face is self-decorated with marker and she’s with her
imaginary friend Lily (whose idea it undoubtedly was) and her one armed doll
Pixie. I will unashamedly admit that I am very
looking forward to getting a break from her and I will definitely do a happy dance when I drop her off at preschool.
(To my grown future daughter, if you are reading this,
I love you very much and I’m hopeful certain that you’re a lovely
well-adjusted adult now. But you were a very exhausting child and you really loved preschool so it was a
win-win.)
As for looking forward to the other kids going back to
school, well, it was just a draining summer. There were a lot of cold days, a
lot of rainy days. There were several weeks in which we didn’t even swim at
all. Being stuck in the house wasn't very easy as the addition was being
built and everything was just a disorganized mess and their playing spaces were
severely limited. Books and toys were inaccessible, beds were disassembled,
rooms were off-limits, nails and cigarette butts littered the yard. Being home
didn’t quite feel like being at home.
Of course we also had to deal with my Grandmother’s
death, the first significant death any of them had to deal with. They bounced
back pretty quickly, but their mother didn’t.
Trying to keep it together during their frequent pragmatic
(read: insensitive) questioning took its toll on me (like “So when we gonna
sell this house?” as we were at her home waiting for the funeral director to
pick up her body.)
What else sucked? Oh right, I had to write another letter to the Parole
Board and I realized it’s time for another colonoscopy, both of which are
things I dread doing. So maybe it’s not so much that I wanted my kids to go
back to school as much as it’s that I just wanted this summer to be over.
Well, yeah. That’s probably about 90% of it, honestly.
The other 10% is a combination of wanting more
for my kids and for myself. For my kids,
I am really looking forward to them being able to spend time with their peers
five days a week again. My older kids have really begun to found their groups
of true friends, the ones that want to sing show tunes together or play
Dungeons and Dragons at recess. My younger kids just like to be with all kids all the
time, especially at the playground for recess.
I’m excited that they get to be with other adults that
care about them. I still remember so many of my teachers who influenced or
inspired me and I hope for that for my children, too.
I’m thrilled for my oldest, B, being in 7th
grade now many more activities open up for her that she’s been longing to join,
namely chorus and drama club. (A girl after her mother’s heart for sure.) I’m looking forward to kindergarten for Z. He gets to
ride the bus with the big kid this year and everything, he is so happy and that
makes me happy for him.
And of course they're all going to get back to the business of knowing more than their Mother does.
For me, I’m looking forward to a little routine. I really need my consistent exercise time back. I long to be able to do
my housework without feeling guilty that they’re being ignored while I get it
done. There will be LOTS of extra housework once the addition is done and I need to try to put everything back in order. I also look forward to a little kid-free time for any appointments I need (Pap smears go much smoother without five kids in the room. Trust me.) And although I had lots of time for socializing over the summer, there wasn't much social activism going on. With ten hours a week completely sans les enfants, I can get more writing, acting, community event planning done.
In so many ways, we did have a great summer. We went
on a family vacation; we’re getting the addition of our dreams. My little boys
mastered skim boarding at the beach. My older kids got to have slightly older
kid adventures like impromptu sleep overs and trips to amusement parks with
friends. We ate food out of the garden and watched caterpillars turn into
butterflies.
But this wet, emotionally exhausting summer is coming
to an end and this tired mama is happy about that—and that’s okay.
This year, summer just wasn’t our time to shine. Fall is approaching and the sting
of Babci’s death is lessening, the addition is nearly done, the letter to the Parole Board is done and sent.
Okay, okay, I still need to schedule the colonoscopy but even that will get
done in the fall. See, once the kids and I are back into our school year
routine, I am much stricter with my daily to-do lists.
So I present to you my to-do
list for their first weeks back at school. Hold me to it, people.
2. Hang in there until preschool starts
3. Try not to act too happy when #2 happens, I do have an image to maintain as a Mom that likes being with her kids
4. Get back into a good exercise routine
5. Also stop the summer-mindset excessive snacking. And flossing, let's throw that on the list too.
6. Work hard to get addition done and house back in order (that will be its own list of hundreds of jobs)
7. Call and schedule the colonoscopy. I won't even have to go yet, it takes months to get in. Chant to self if needed: The discomfort and annoyance of going through the colonoscopy trumps dying of a very treatable cancer. You can't let their kids lose their mom because you didn't feel like going through the horrible prep. Stop being a baby and call already.
8. Schedule a meeting with my friend to discuss plans to promote my Soaring Heart design (http://www.sisterserendip.com/2013/08/the-big-reveal.html) amongst other big ideas
9. Dust off my script and prepare for another performance with my social justice theatre group in November
10. Plan fun family outings for the fall to make up for a wet bummer of a summer
Several Septembers ago Daddy-O bought me a flowering plant from the supermarket that had this little sign in it. We thought it was funny that "Back to School" would be a celebratory occasion and worthy of flowers.
This year I appreciate it.
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